Question: If there were one thing you wanted yourself 10 years from today to remember about your life today, what would it be?

That I did the things that I had been putting off and afraid to do. I wanted to have an internet business, make pottery and write a book. I have done those things, am doing those things now. At one point in my life I had given up everything I enjoyed doing to satisfy my husband and to help run several businesses with him as well as raise 3 wonderful kids. I don’t regret any of those things what I do regret is that I gave up me to do it. I thought I had to but I look back and I did it out of bitterness. Choosing to find something to blame as I felt pressured to get more done. It nearly destroyed me. I lost me. I woke up at 45 and didn’t know what I wanted, who I was, or what I wanted. I spent 5 years finding  and liking me again. I found that I couldn’t go back to painting landscapes, or doing hand work. (crocheting, knitting, crafts, embroidery)  I branched and tried new creative outlets. Now I love photography, hosting a show, and making pottery. In the process I wrote a book to help other couples through difficult times in their relationships. It is called “Is Your Relationship Under Siege?” by Debbie Gerber

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I am sorry I have taken a leave from the blog. I needed a break for a while to get another website and show up and running. www.scattertravel.tv

I still get many questions and need for life coaching (someone to be a sounding board with ideas so to speak) so I have focused on those. I have decided to post some of the general questions here so that this site has new content as well as the great posts that are already here to help people looking for a better relationship.

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Everyone wants to feel loved. Giving extra effort in your relationship is worth it. Here are 5 simple and inexpensive ideas you can use to increase the romance in your relationship.

1.  Get a bag of conversation hearts and write out a message to your loved one.

Write a Message with Converstaion Hearts

Give flowers or balloons.

Spring Flower Bouquet

Give give a cookie bouquet.

Cookie Bouquet

Decorate your bed for Valentines.

Decorate for Valentines

Here are a couple of love notes that you can use to give to your spouse. Hid them in a pocket, brief case or on the pillow.

Love Note

Love Note

For more ideas see my blog “Unique Gift Ideas

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#3- Progressive Dinner Date can be done by yourself or with other couples. There are two ways that we like to do a progressive dinner date.

  • Pick several restaurants or fast food establishments to go to and eat one dinner course at each one. We pick one for the appetizer, one for the main dish, and one for the dessert. You could pick more items and more restaurants if you wanted to draw out the evening.
  • Invite several couple to join in. Go to each home and have one course of the meal. You could add one of the houses as entertainment after the dinner.

 

# 2- Sitting in the backyard holding a drink and a BBQ fork in your hand is a great date.

  • I love being in the backyard with my husband creating a succulent dinner. Just the wafting smell of the barbecuing meat is enough to make this date something to experience together. While the food is barbequing a couple can spend time talking and enjoying nature.
  • Another option would be to invite other couples over and make an evening of it. Let your guests bring all the other food and you provide the meat that way a lot of the work is done for you.
  • Try barbequing something you haven’t before like corn on the cob, pineapple, shrimp on a skewer or grilled fish.  We like to open a banana skin and stuff in some chocolate and marshmallows cover it back up and wrap it in foil and grill until it melts. That is a favorite barbeque dessert of ours. If you have never tried Dutch oven cooking this could be another fun activity for a couple to learn and do together.

 

#1- Being entertained while we dine at a theme restaurant is one of my top food dates.

  • The murder mystery dinner theater is my favorite. I love having a play going on around me that we also get to join in. I am competitive so I love seeing if we can figure out who done it first.
  • A Japanese restaurant where they cook in front of you and throw knives is always a thrill.
  • Sometimes just having the restaurant decorated in a themed way makes it an experience. We went to a restaurant where you sat in a covered wagon to eat steak and one where you ate in a medieval setting and was entertained by a jester.
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In order for marriage to work there has to be true forgiveness. The struggle for most married couples is that while they say that they “forgive” in reality they are simply trying to forget, tolerate, pretend, ignore their feelings or make ‘excuses’ for behaviors. Forgiveness, in its true and honest form is an action word. It is something you do. Forgiveness is a path to saving yourself and your marriage from further continuing pain or hurt.

This forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to put up with something your spouse does; but rather something that can be put behind you completely and learned from.

Each partner also has to know what he/she sees as certain ‘unforgivable’ sins that a partner may commit. It should be understood between the two what those are right from the beginning of the relationship.

Sharing a marriage often means you will be presented with behaviors, actions or words of someone whom you have no control over. From little hurts such as harsh words during an argument, to more significant ones like infidelity. You have to forgive and forget and get on with life never bringing those forgiven things up again.

Should one of the “unforgiveable sins” come up in your relationship you have to decide whether you can forgive or not. If not, it may be best to move on rather than put yourself and your partner through many years of suffering and guilt. At the top of this list for many is infidelity although for others who were able to forgive and their partner truly changed their behavior they are very strong and happy together. You have to decide what is best for you.

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We are at the beginning of a new year. Every year we make New Year’s Resolutions. What is a resolution anyway? It is defined as a resolve to do something.

Well how about we make some Goals. Make a plan and action plan for this year. Do more than think about it. Write it down. Do more than write it down. Start at number one on the action list and do it. Every day until you can say it is done; none of this quitting in a month or changing your mind.

I love a quote by the wise Yoda in one of the Star Wars Movies. Everyone should have this firmly placed in their mind. “No. Try not. Do … or do not. There is no try.”

Synonyms to resolution are: Determination, Tenacity, Strength and Fortitude. Now that is what gets things done.

Don’t overwhelm yourself with all the things you ever wanted to do. It won’t happen. Pick a couple key goals and go to work.

Goal Setting and Accomplishment Guide:

  • Write down 10 things you want to accomplish this year. – Be Specific
  • Narrow it down to 4 –Make sure it is something you really want – Make sure you make them your top priorities – Make sure that they are realistic and attainable
  • Turn them into positive statements – Use these as your affirmations
  • Under each of the 4 goals write out the steps of your action plan –Break your goals down into small bites that you can finish in a day or week or month  -It must be measurable in time segments
  • Make a timeline needed to accomplish them – Make sure you schedule time to these three goals – Again make them your top priorities –Schedule all action plan items on a calendar with phone reminders daily
  • List a reward you will give yourself for each goal completed
  • Post the Goal sheet somewhere that you will see it several times a day.  -Maybe you will need several copies to be able to do that
  • Read, schedule, remind and take action each day
  • Make off each one as you accomplish that goal
  • Party or Reward yourself after you conquer each goal

Some Goal Setting Examples:

Goal: Personal relationship
Affirmation Statement: I am in a loving relationship. I love my spouse and they love me. We have a fun and exciting romantic relationship.
Action Plan:

  1. Bring my spouse their favorite treat, flowers, etc
  2. Do something special for them that they would like to be done for them 3 times a week.
  3. Focus on them when I am with them
  4. Compliment them 3 times a day

Timeline: 3 months for improvement – Continue forever
Reward: An overnight stay at a hotel with dinner

Goal: A career move or advancement
Affirmation Statement: I am the managing director over marketing
Action Plan:

  1. I spend time outside of work researching what I need to know to do the job
  2. I make the connection that I would need to be valuable to the company in that position
  3. I do the job I have now with enthusiasm
  4. I am a valuable employee now
  5. I go the extra mile everyday
  6. I let the company know that I am interested in the job and that I am doing everything I can to be the employee that they want to hire for that position

Timeline: 6 months
Reward: Have my car detailed

Goal: An amount of monetary increase for the year
Affirmation Statement: My income has increased by $12,000 this year
Action Plan:

  1. I spend my money wisely
  2. I find coupon and discounts on what I buy and save the difference
  3. I find new ways to bring in extra income
  4. Budget and track my money
  5. Weekly check to see that I am on track

Timeline: My monthly increase is $1000 All year
Reward: Buy a hot tub for my deck

Goal: Spiritual fulfillment
Affirmation Statement: I feel closer to God
Action Plan:

  1. I read my scripture every morning
  2. I read from 7:30 a.m. to 8:00 a.m.
  3. I Pray 3 times a day, plus little prayer throughout the day
  4. I say at least 1 prayer a day that is just thanking not asking
  5. I meditate, ponder and listen for the Lords guidance in my life so I can act on the answers to my prayers

Timeline: All Year – Everyday
Reward: A Family Vacation

These are only examples but it is really simple to follow. You just need to do it. Do it – Do it now!

After you accomplish or make a habit or routine of your first three goals then add more one at a time. You will be amazed at how much you will have change for you in 2012.
Now, I wrote this more for me than for you so if this is too in your face. Just know I am giving myself a talking to. I am going to write my goals now and get started! If anyone wants to know my personal goals you can email me and I will send them over to you.

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Oprah is wonderful. I am learning great things all the time from people who have massive success in all areas of their lives. One thing is always present; They Decide, They Decide! I want you to decide to have a great relationship with your spouse. Have fun together. Make memories together. Create the life you want. The movie “The Secret” resonates inside people because they have control. You just need to remember that and be proactive to make a conscious and unconscious effort to make your life how you want it to be.

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We carry on a tradition from my husband’s time he spent in Holland.

On Christmas Eve before we start our Christmas program we put one of our shoes (some of us have wooden shoes) out on the front step.  At the end of our Christmas program we go outside and like magic Father Christmas has paid us a visit and filled our shoes with goodies and a small gift.

Our children are married and they still love to come home and participate in this tradition. They still can’t figure it out.

Every couple should decide on traditions that they want to carry on through their family. Just be careful because once you make a family tradition it just might stick so make the traditions you pick something that you want to continue year after year.

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Christmas can be simplified by simply talking about gift giving. Here are some discussion starters to have in order to avoid the nasty, hurtful, Christmas ruining ones later.

  • Are you going to buy gifts for each other or buy something together?
  • How much will you spend on each other?
  • How many gifts will you give each other?
  • When will you open the gifts?
  • Where will each of you put them so you don’t accidentally find them?
  • How much will you spend overall on Christmas?
  • What will your Christmas schedule be?
  • Are you traveling somewhere?
  • Are you going to family or friends?
  • What parties will you attend?
  • What will you have for Christmas dinner?
  • Do you do Christmas stockings for each other?
  • What will be the schedule for Christmas day?

Talking about important events, holidays or celebrations before they happen lets everyone be on the same page.

By the way you might remember to buy your someone special something that they want not something you want or something that you need for the house unless that was the agreement in your discussion.

Most disappointments, hurt feelings and upset happen by lack of communication and proper prior planning.

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Our class at Blog World under the direction of our speaker and teacher comedian Jordan Cooper helped me compose the following list for your enjoyment.

The top ten worst things that can happen on a couple’s vacation:

  1. The guy leaves home without his Viagra
  2. The woman starts her period
  3. The ex shows up there too
  4. They are put next to an annoying couple
  5. The boss is there and wants to hang out
  6. They fight and break up after the 2nd day
  7. They miss their flight
  8. One of them has serious gas issues
  9. Fight about a positive pregnancy test
  10. Oh no, a vacation long headache is coming on
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