There is a reason that sex is not exciting or fun anymore. If your relationship doesn’t include making love anymore or things have wound down to almost never or only occasionally there is a reason. Women are more likely to stopping sex in a relationship than a man. I think Harrison Ford pretty much said it all in the movie “Seven Days, Six Nights” after Anne Heche showed him her magazine with an article on ways to excite a man his response was, “You know how a woman gets a man excited? She shows up. That’s it. We’re guys, we’re easy.” Now let me qualify that, showing up and wanting to make love.
The following are all root causes for an individual to avoid or not enjoy making love with their partner anymore.
Lack of confidence in one’s body:
If a woman doesn’t like her body or is afraid of showing it off this can dampen her ability to get turned on when it comes time to make love. This can be overcome by wearing lingerie or clothing that she finds sexy that will accent the parts of the body that they do like about themselves. Taking time to appreciate their body and compliment themselves in a mirror on all parts of their body over time will build an appreciation and love of their body so that they aren’t shy about sharing it with their partner.
Knowing their partner is not attracted to their body type:
Comments made by a partner about someone else body or even about their body can have long lasting effects on how they feel about wanting their partner to touch or see their body. Let me tell you a quick story. On the way to the beach the couple next to us had a conversation that I am sure damaged their sex life. The man said I hope that it isn’t all older fat women laying out on the beach. I looked at his wife. She was 50+ and overweight. From her expression I am sure she was thinking, “That’s me. If he had the choice he wouldn’t look at me. He can’t like my body. He’s probably repulsed when he sees me naked. I don’t ever want him to touch me again. What a jerk!” Don’t think this is extreme. This is pretty accurate how the thinking goes. The more that he displays this attitude the less she wants to be naked around him and the less she believes that he loves her. It doesn’t take long for there to be real problems in the bedroom. While we are on this subject let me say I have heard men say: I am a big boob man and his wife’s are small, or worse having a man say, “I feel sorry for my wife but she could always get a boob job.” What women would believe that her husband liked her boobs after that? We could look at what happens when a wife says things about other men or her husband and find the same thing, although usually men don’t take it to heart as much as women.
Not feeling appreciated or valued:
Feeling valued and appreciated are two human needs that we all respond to. When someone in the relationship feels like they are taken for granted or they don’t get the validation they need from their partner they will start to separate themselves from the relationship. Most of the time at first they don’t even realize that this is happening, it is just instinctive. The result is to look elsewhere for validation that makes them feel that they are worthwhile and appreciated. It is each partner’s responsibility to make sure their partner feels appreciated and valued.
Nervousness or lack of confidence in love making ability:
There are various reasons why someone ends up feeling like this but usually it is something their partner or someone close to them has told them. Sometimes it is a medical or health condition. It is never ok to put down or criticize your partners love making skills. Be tactful and loving in your discussions on love making.
Bitter or hurt feelings:
When one or both partners have hurt feelings it can quickly turn into bitterness. Love making is no longer love making if these feelings are not resolved.
Pain or discomfort:
There are some people that certain positions or types of touching can be painful or uncomfortable. As a couple you need to address this and find other ways that feel good to that person so that you can both enjoy it. It is a good idea to talk to your doctor as well.
There are medical problems and drugs that can affect a person’s ability to perform or to enjoy intimacy. Seek medical attention when these arise.
Infidelity can cause the adulter to feel guilt and he or she may then avoid making love with their lawful partner. One spouse may suspect the other of infidelity and then avoid love making as well. Whichever it is you need to talk and work it out otherwise you will probably end up apart where otherwise you might be able to work it out.
Uncomfortable with position and or love making styles:
Everyone has different experiences and introductions to sex. Because of this talking about what each person enjoys, is interested in, or wants is essential. I heard some great advice on this; anything goes as long as you are both comfortable and agree with it and no one is hurt or demeaned by it.
Touching should be when and where the receiver enjoys. Don’t force unwanted or touching that is repulsive to the receiver. Learn what and where touching is a turn on and use that as your guide.
Feeling that they have to do it:
I hear this mostly from women. They say they feel like they have to do it that there is no spontaneity. That it feels more like being used than being loved. Frequency and timing should be mutually agreed upon. There is usually one person that would like it more often. Couples vary as to being morning people and night people. Compromise is what makes for a happy union.
All of these also are a result of lack of communication. You have to speak up and say what you like and don’t like. Talk out problems you are having. It is not enough to just talk, you both must listen and compromise so that you both find fulfillment. It can’t be all one sided or bitterness then revulsion sets in, the love making skids to a stop. Keep the communication open and be intuitive to your partners needs and wants and you should be cuddling up a lot more often.